Incarnation – #3

Incarnation – #3 – by bluedraggy

He remained within his guide’s embrace a little longer. His outburst
of grief had subsided, but her warm breasts against his skin – even if
they were mostly covered in fur – was comforting, and he appreciated the
touch and caring of another being even more than the sexual titillation.
But even here, in the afterlife, he couldn’t deny the latter was
present as well.

As if sensing this, she held him a little longer before pulling away.

“You’re going to be okay, X,” her deep voice purred. “Now if you’re done nuzzling my breasts, can we move on?”

He agreed and took her hand once again.

“Can you read my mind?” he asked sometime later.

“X,
I don’t have to be a mind-reader. Any female can sense such things, even
if they can’t see your penis. But no, I can’t read your mind. I only
know what you did in life. Here, it’s another matter entirely.”

“You’re… female then?”

“Well
duhh! We have some few males in our particular sector of Hell, but most
of the masturbators are male, and the prescribed punishment nearly
always requires a female. But I’ll have you know I’m one of the best in
Hell at what I do! Well… I guess that’s not necessarily a ‘plus’ for
you.”

“What do you do. What fate awaits me in Hell?” he asked tremulously, not sure he even wanted to hear the answer.

“Can’t
tell you yet. You’ll know soon enough. But I can promise you it won’t
involve any shit-eating,” she said, then laughed. “Unless it’s mine!”

“I’m… not really into that,” X said.

“You
think I don’t know that? But if you think Hell is a place where you get
what you’re ‘into’, I’m afraid you’re quite mistaken. Here you get what
you’re handed and try and make the most of it. But I need to tell you
more. First, you’re going to see things which will certainly shock you,
and I’m not just talking about us demons. Forms are a little fluid here.
Some of us demons make use of that. You’ll get used to it eventually.
But there’s something else you really need to understand. About me and
all the demons…”

“What’s that?” the man said, apprehensive but beginning to accept his new reality as inevitable.

“X,
I like you. Really I do. But I’m not exactly your friend here, at least not like you normally think of friends. I’m something
more and something less. I’m your demon. I enjoy watching you suffer. I
can’t help it, you understand. It’s my nature, just like yours is to get
horny when you feel a woman’s breast. I can’t even really be sorry for
it, any more than you can feel sorry that your dick gets hard. It’s what
we are. But I hope you can understand that it doesn’t also mean I hate
you. I don’t, truly! And nothing I will do to you will do
any permanent harm. But in Hell, you exist to please me… see? I will be
your master, and you’ll be my toy – to do whatever I want. I know you’re
not used to that way of thinking, but you will get it eventually.”

X stayed quiet while he tried to understand what she was telling him.

“So, are you going to, like, saw me in half every day and then the next day do it all over again or something?”

The
laugh came again, deep and somehow comforting in an odd way. “There you
go again, imagining your worst fears. You need to stop that! We don’t
cut anyone in half in our sector, nor anything like that. Maybe in the
lowest levels they do things like that, but not where we’re going! Look,
try not to speculate until we get there. Just try to understand, no
matter what I do, we can still be, well – if not exactly ‘friends’, at least we can like each other! It doesn’t have to be the
kind of Hell you imagine. You will suffer, I can’t deny that. But there
are many kinds of suffering, you know?”

“I guess,” he said, uncomforted.

They
walked on in silence. Time passed differently here, he was sure, but he
would have guessed it was at least twenty minutes or more that they
walked together in silence. And silence it was. The only sounds he could
hear was her hooves clattering on the floor, her deep breathing – again
almost a purr – and the obscene sound of his penis flapping against his
legs. At least he was getting used to the nudity. He’d never been
particularly gifted in the manhood department, but neither was he embarrassed by his body. He was on whole rather average in
that department. He’d seen more. He’d seen less. And his wife had
assured him a lifetime ago that he was, in her experience which was
admittedly more than his own concerning penises, quite enough for her. He
had believed her. She had passed away some years before his own
death, but he had never had reason to doubt her.

“Hey!” his companion said, breaking the monotonous rhythm. “Hey X, you want to fuck me?”

Her
suggestion collided with his own recollections of his one and only
mate, yet he felt a twitch that he couldn’t deny. Even as his brain was
processing the incongruous thoughts of his dead wife and this female
demon walking beside him, his dick had already answered for it’s part.

“Jeeze! I don’t even know your name!”

“Oh,
that. Sorry. You’re right. We’ve never been properly introduced. My
name is Lisrian, vice-head Succubus of the 1827th Sector of Hell,” she
said, stopping to shake his hand formally.

Though still blind as a
bat, he felt odd shaking ‘hands’ with a demoness. Her talons were hard and cold. But some social
graces were still needed even here, and he was rather glad of the formal
ritual. It grounded him.

“So… now you know my name. Obviously I know yours, but for proper etiquette, what is it?” asked the Succubus.

“I
can’t exactly say ‘Pleased to meet you’, Lisrian, seeing that you’re
literally taking me to Hell. But my name is X and I am at your service,”
he replied, realizing too late what he had just said. “Wait! I didn’t
mean…”

“You’ll be at my service plenty, X. Don’t worry about it.
But I am glad to meet you anyway, and I don’t need your service right
now. I just thought you might want to fuck me before we get back to
Hell. You could probably ignore the fur and stuff better here, while
you’re blind. And… well… I’m not supposed to say anything till we get
back to Hell, but you won’t be able to have any orgasms there. This is
sort of your last chance. I’m offering myself to you here, while you can
still take full pleasure in it. When we pass into Hell, it will be too
late.”

“But… my wife… I was married before I got here. I don’t know…” he started, but she interrupted him.

“BULLSHIT! She died 10 years before you. You haven’t been married for 10 years. You suck as a liar, X.”

“Well, that’s so, but still.”

“What
part of Till Death Do Us Part did you not understand? Fuck, X, you’re a
free agent here! Your vow is fulfilled! At least take advantage of the
few positives you have. Look, I’m not going to pressure you, and I’m not dying to fuck you, as much as you might wish I were. But I’d like to
fuck you, and I think you’d like to fuck me. After this, the party’s
over for you in the ‘squirt-squirt’ department. Come on, empty those balls
one last time while you can. But that’s it. I won’t ask again. I’m
sorry if I’ve offended you. Trust me, I’ll get all the jollies I can
handle when we get back.”

“I… Where? This ground is kinda hard!”

“Leave that to me. I can see, remember? Just… trust me, there are places – comfortable places – nearby.”

He
nodded, and she took his hand in hers again, and led him somewhere not
far away. She bade him to lay down at a certain place and, true to her
word, the surface was firm but pliable. Comfortable enough. Then she kissed him and he felt
her face for the first time. He was no blind savant though. He wasn’t
able to make out it’s shape terribly well. There was a snout, that was
clear. But her kiss was warm and inviting, an the rather too-large
tongue that sought out his own stirred him despite it’s rough surface.
He knew immediately that, at least facially, she had the basic structure
of a Big Cat. Suddenly his touches made sense. Here were the fangs,
there the wide nose and the furred, strong jaws. Most surprising was her
breath actually, not at all offensive, which he might have expected. Soon his
body was responding nicely as he returned her kiss, regardless of her
strange shape. Those parts that were most necessary were
present and her reaction when he lowered his head to her breasts was as
human as he could have asked.

Her moan was deep and guttural, and
he heard her breathing quicken when he took one blessedly fur-less
nipple into his mouth. His hands stroked her other breast and side as
she shifted to lie under him. Somewhere in his mind he noted that her
legs parted and felt relatively normal to his touch, at least her upper
thighs that he could feel, so that when finally his fingertips brushed across her mound,
all the parts were in the expected places and configuration. The touch brought another
moan from the heaving chest and he switched to her other teat as his
free hand teased her lightly below. It took little time before he felt
her passion transform into wetness and he parted her lips gently while
continuing to suckle at her breast.

She began to writhe then and
he let a finger or two slip within, before removing them and bringing
her own lubricant to bear on her nipples, as he savored both her nipple
and her nectar at once. At this, she truly began to buck, obviously
ready for him to take her fully. But he resisted. Though blind, this was
also the first female he had held, besides his dead wife, in so long he
couldn’t remember. Demoness or no, if this was going to be his last
orgasm, he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to enjoy it to the fullest.
Instead of mounting her, he cupped her furred ass in his hands and
raised her mound to his tongue. At this, she began to roar, and
her strong hands found the back of his head and pulled his face into
her increasingly slippery pussy. He obliged as best he could, but
– afterlife or no – he did still have to breath occasionally. He lapped at
her gently at first, but her insistent pressure on the back of his head
signaled that she didn’t mind a stronger touch, and he obliged.

Soon
his tongue was darting in and out of her as her hips rose to meet it,
syncing up. While he noted the oddness of the tail protruding from her
upper rump, his hands had strayed farther down, and now explored her ass
properly, straying ever closer to her anus while his tongue plowed her
womanhood as deep as it would go. She must have felt the impending touch
of finger-on-asshole and she began to shudder, her legs wrapping around
him as she came onto his face. He finally completed the maneuver on her
rear and touched her asshole gently, sending another wave of orgasm
over her body, her roar returning.

Finally, she pulled his head
away from her pussy and compelled him to climb back up to meet her. He
must have tasted of her juice, but she thrust her tongue into his mouth
as if thanking him for his service by reaching for his tonsils. The
softness of her under-tongue against his own brought his penis to full
mast then, and he felt it pressing against her wetness, the tip rubbing
and bouncing against her slick clitoris as it throbbed with his
heartbeat. Her tongue retreated then, but her mouth remained open…
inviting. He accepted the invitation as his most primal instinct began
to assert itself fully. The inside of her mouth was warm as she sucked
his tongue. But below… Below his cock sank slowly into a soft, slippery
and inviting mound until it came to rest as deeply as it could go.

They
stayed there, his tongue exploring her odd but warm and wet mouth, her
need sucking it gently but wantonly. Meanwhile below, his cock throbbed
balls deep inside her cunt. He felt her pulsing within there too, as if
trying desperately to join his juices with it’s own right there and
then, without even having moved her hips to meet his.

It was too
much. It had been too long. But she was experienced in such things. She
nodded, almost imperceptibly. She released his tongue and he hugged her
tightly to himself, feeling the coolness of her still-wet nipples
against his own. With only a single thrust, he came. Hard. He felt
himself jerk within her, bending her walls to his penis’ shape. Once.
Twice. More. His orgasm had begun, but still the release held off and he
was all but lost to conciousness, pressing against her breasts with all
his weight while his hands instinctively grabbed her ass, as if he
could enter her even deeper. And then the release came at last, and he
bucked and rutted his seed into her – a finger finding it’s way inside
her from behind as he became an animal of pure lust himself, bent on
exploring every hole she had to it’s depths. He no longer thought of her
as a demoness, nor where he was, nor what the future might hold for
him. He had become pure passion and his only concious thought remaining
was the craving to get even deeper inside her legs somehow – any how.
His mind swirled with thoughts of her pussy and ass as his balls pumped
spurt after spurt of sperm deep into her. He didnt even hear her scream
his name as she too became a feral creature, grabbing his ass and
encouraging it to pump more and more from his prostate into her thirsty
womb.

And then it was over as he lay panting atop her heaving
chest. He felt the claws release his ass cheeks slowly, as if wishing to
never let go. He slid his own finger gently from her anus while his
other hand relaxed it’s death-grip on her other ass cheek. His dick
still throbbed within her, but it’s stone-hard solidity was waning,
allowing her interior to return to it’s own shape instead of conforming
to his. He did not withdraw from her directly. It had been too powerful
for that. Instead he let nature relax his penis within her, dribbling
out it’s last attempt to impregnate her. He even felt her walls
rythmically pulsing, still trying to draw in more of his fluid, though
he was sure he had filled her to overflowing anyway. It was a greedy
cunt, and even now it was not completely sated. His dick gave all it had
left, and the never-satisfied pussy finally released it’s captive man.
The sigh that escaped the demoness’ mouth at it’s exit seemed to him to
mimic her pussy’s sadness at having been finally abandoned by his cock,
now resting against the furry cleft of her butt cheeks.

He knew
the wetness that he felt now flowing out from her was his excess seed,
running down her ass crack to soak whatever it was that they had laid
upon.

And then, finally, after what seemed hours, she turned to
him and began licking his genitals. He submitted gladly, not minding the
rough tongue that greedily tasted anything he might have left over on
his cock and balls until they were thoroughly cleaned. Then they sat up
together. Her hand found his and she led him out from whereever they had
been to some source of water. It was cool, but not cold against his
crotch as she bathed him a little before using it on herself.

“Sorry, there are no towels here,” she said, breaking the silence at last. No words had been needed.

“Lisrian. That was…”

“I know, X. I know. You’re quite a lover, for a dead man.”

“And you. I can’t wait to see what you look like.”

“Is it really that important? After… that?”

“No. Not really. Thank…” he began, but she put a hard talon to his lips.

“Shh.
There is no need to thank me. I got more pleasure out of that than you
could possibly have. It’s I who should be thanking you.”

X smiled, “I doubt that very much. But yes. Let’s go on, if my legs will hold out a little longer.”

“I’m
sorry, X. For… what you’ll have to go through. Really I am,” she said,
though the deep purring that had started shortly after their
post-orgasmic rest still was running strong.

“Right now, Lisrian, I think nothing could make me happier than to be tortured by you.”

“I hope so,” she purred, barely audible as they began to resume their trek.

“Oh, I don’t know if I should mention it, but we got a round of applause from the locals!”

“WHAT?” X shouted. “What do you mean!”

“Well, the people who live in this realm. You can’t see or hear them, I know. But they were really impressed!”

“Are you saying we just fucked in front of hundreds of people?”

“Um… no?” she responded hesitantly.

“I don’t want to know, do I?”

“No. On second thought, you really don’t. Forget it. Let’s just move on, shall we?”

He
wasn’t sure, but he felt like she had just the faintest tinge of a
giggle there at the end. A deep, feline giggle, but a giggle none the
less.

Incarnation – #2

Incarnation – #2 – by bluedraggy

Saint Peter walked through the gate, literally. It wasn’t like he was a ghost. It just appeared to not exist for the Gatekeeper.

“Well,” X said to himself. “It is, after all, probably just a metaphor.”

Part of him wanted to see what would happen if he tried to walk through himself, but he decided that this was probably not the right time or place to do that. But then he had a second thought, “Why not? What are they going to do, send me to Hell twice?” He approached the gate.

Then he was walking away from it. He shook his head, turned around and tried again…

And then he was walking away from it again.

He ran at it. And then was running away from it.

“Okay,” he said aloud to the sky. “You win.”

“I always win,” said God.

He sat down on the ground with a thump, barely noticing as he looked up at the sky.

Before he could even quite frame the question, God answered, “If I feel like it, anytime I want to of course! But your escort is approaching. Have a good afterlife, X.”

He turned his head around slowly. Something was coming out of the mists behind him. It stood perhaps a little taller than himself, wearing an impossibly-black cloak. The head was enormous, but no features could be seen within the lowered hood. No feet or hands either, he noticed. But this was not the floating apparition of death. It walked with a strange gait, almost loping, towards him. But the bright red wings that sprouted from its back were unmistakable.

“Hello X,” a voice came from within the hood. It was inhuman, but oddly soothing for all it’s alien-ness.

He couldn’t help himself. He tried to peer under the hood. “Hello, er… whoever you are!”

The figure shook it’s head. “No use, man. My face cannot be seen in this place. It’s not my… realm, you know.”

“I see,” the man lied.

“Well, come on. Take my hand. We have a long way to go, X. We can talk on the way.”

The voice was deep and resonant, the vowels nearly a basso-purr, but there was something unmistakably feminine in it’s manner as well. A hand of sorts extended from the long sleeve, but whatever the thing was, it certainly was no human hand. He shivered involuntarily.

"Sorry, X. No. I’m not human.“

"A demon,” X said as if it could be anything else.

“Oh Geeze,” it said. “We’ve got an Einstein. What was it that gave me away? I bet it was the wings. It was the wings, wasn’t it. Now Goddam… oh… sorry. I mean, Gosh Darn it, let’s get moving. I’ve been walking for hours and my hooves hurt!

X took the proffered hand and a strong grip helped him to his feet.

"There, that’s better. No, keep holding my hand. You’ll be blind for a while and it wouldn’t do to get lost between the realms.”

He took its hand and they began to walk towards the mists together.

“You’re welcome,” the figure said to the air.

“Hmm?” said the man. “I didn’t say anything.”

The black hood turned to him. “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to God. Is that as fast as you can walk?”

X quickened his pace and they passed within the mists. Darkness enveloped him instantly and he continued to walk, noticing the change in the ground immediately. It was no longer warm and soft, but hard, and a bit cool to his feet.

"Where are we going?“ his companion said suddenly.

"Huh?” was all X could say.

“That’s what they all ask. ‘Where are we going?’ You already know the answer to that, of course. They all do. But you must be thinking it anyway. Well, we’ll be walking for a long time so I might as well tell you a little about it. Still, thank you for not asking. It’s nice to have someone who isn’t all blubbery and whining.”

“I’m dead. Doesn’t seem to be much point.”

“Oh. You’re one of those somber, morose types. Well okay, I prefer that to the other. Excuse me, now that we’re out of Heaven I can take this off. Wait there a second.”

The hand was removed and he heard the sound of cloth and the click of metal before he felt the hand take his again.

“There. That’s better. No, no need to try and look around. You’re blind, and you will be till we get there. We’re passing through realms you may or may not believe in. You can’t see them. At least, not yet. Just hold my hand. The way is long, but not difficult.”

The claws were hard against his hands, but occasionally his fingers would brush against something farther up. Fur.

"Now, about Hell. It’s not quite what you picture, though you’d recognize it right enough. I assume you’ve seen some of the paintings?“

"Some,” he admitted, thinking back to any of those lurid medieval paintings with tortures only a true sadist could dream up.

“All utter bullshit of course, but what can you expect of artists who’ve never been there? There are some good ones though. I’m partial to Memling myself, but my friend Donner likes Blake. What about yourself? Any favorites?”

“I… don’t really know. Never got into them really. They always seemed like old torture-porn to me.”

The figure laughed deeply, the voice rising. “Torture-porn. That’s rich coming from a man of your, predilections!”

“Hey, I never did it to torture-porn.”

“I know, I know. Calm down. I know everything there is to know about you in fact. You could say I was ‘briefed’ on your life. Briefed as in I know every memory you’ve ever had, including those that you yourself don’t remember, X. So don’t try to bullshit me. We’re going to be together a LONG, LONG time, you and me. I know exactly what you like and what you don’t like, what you love and what you loathe. Tell me, what do you call tentacle-rape?”

"B-But that’s different!“

"Oh is it? But no. That’s for a later time. We were talking about Hell. Myself, I’m convinced Dante really did get a vision of Hell. But it’s like he saw us through a fog, you know? Eating shit, boiling shit. Shit shit shit. The guy was obsessed. Sure we have our Shit Eaters, but it’s not like that’s the WORST we can dream up! I think that might have been the worst for Dante though, so he obsessed on it.”

Suddenly the man began to shiver. This was it. He was really going to Hell. His life was over and he was going to spend eternity in Hell, eating shit or worse. He began to tremble.

“Hey HEY! I’m sorry X. I didn’t mean to…”

“I’m really dead, aren’t I?” he cried through blind tears. “I’m dead and I’m going to Hell.”

“Jeeze, lighten up man! It’s not THAT bad! Besides, Judgement Day hasn’t rung yet. You don’t have to abandon ALL hope… yet!”

The hand released his and he felt it wrap around his shoulders in what was apparently an attempt at a comforting embrace. The claws, however, were sharp against his too-soft skin. Suddenly he imagined where he was and what he was being held by and he howled in despair.

"Oh X,“ the creature said in empathy, hugging him to itself, but he was lost in his own blind agony. "Calm down. This is part of it, you know. Your first punishment. Blind realization of your circumstance. I know it won’t help, but your imagination is so much worse than reality. Well, probably. I may be a demon, X, but I’m your demon.”

They stood there, in between the realms of Heaven and Hell, for a long time while waves of despair washed over him until he was exhausted. His breathing slowed steadily as he felt the claws stroking his back, trying to sooth him like a child. It made him feel even more powerless, but it did help. And then he realized what else he was feeling. It was a She, undoubtedly and obviously! Fur covered, claws and apparently hooves that scrabbled and clacked as they walked, but the form that was hugging him to itself was undeniably female.

Incarnation – #1

Incarnation – #1 – by bluedraggy

The fog broke around him, his vision slowly morphing from utter blackness to grey and finally to dazzling white. He stepped from the place where he had been to a new place. As if walking out of an old black and white movie of London, he slowly became aware of color. The clear, perfect blue sky above him was almost painfully blue. He found he was walking towards something. He had a goal, but he wasn’t exactly sure what it was or why he desired it. Still, whatever this place was, it was infinitely preferable to where he had been.

He focused as his mind became clearer on what he was seeing. From horizon to horizon stretched some sort of barred wall, broken only by a huge ornate gate which he realized was his destination. He looked down to see what he was walking on, but realized soon that he had no idea what it was – only that it was pure white and spotless. But the sight of his bare feet on that pristine floor was somehow disturbing – as if the touch of his feet on the unblemished ground was profane. Sacrilege. He paused. What was it he was walking on?

It wasn’t stone or marble. It was warm and soft. Yielding to his weight. He searched his memory. What was this? Who was he?

Then his thoughts shifted as he realized he was naked. Suddenly his mind was reeling. ‘Where WAS this’? ‘Who was he’? The answers came to him in a flood that literally floored him. His knees buckled and he fell screaming to the odd, soft ground. He lay there for a long time, eyes tightly shut, screaming until his throat hurt. No comfort came but that of the ground itself and the sun overhead. Yet, eventually, it was enough. The softness absorbed his tears that left no trace, and the sun shone on his skin. He stopped his outburst and chuckled slightly as he realized just where the sun was shining. “And they say it never shines there…” came unbidden to his mind.

He uncurled himself from the fetal ball he had assumed, got back onto his feet and looked towards the gate. There was a figure there, clad in white robes. The beard marked him as a man, but the wings marked him as something more than a man, as if the halo glowing with a gold intensity even from this distance above his head wasn’t enough. He knew his name. Instinctively he looked around for something to cover himself with, but there was nothing.

“You came naked into being on Earth, X. You leave it the same way. Do not be ashamed. We all come naked to our final destiny. Come,” said a low but kindly voice from the figure. It should not have been audible from this distance, but the Saint may as well have been standing next to him.

It was a long walk nevertheless. How long he couldn’t be sure, but the flapping of his genitalia against his legs made him as embarrassed as he had ever been.

The Saint laughed, as if reading his thoughts. “Relax man. We are what we are made. The Creator’s work is not something to be ashamed of. You were made a man, and a man you will always be. Now come, we have work to do.”

He relaxed, still embarrassed but also comforted somewhat. At least his body was not what it had become before his life had ended. It was, on examination, the body he had always thought of himself as having. It wasn’t the wrinkled, liver-spotted thing he had left behind. Nor was it the impossibly beautiful thing he had been in his youth. It lay somewhere between those two extremes, but it was undoubtedly his. Like a well-broken in pair of jeans that had not yet reached the ratty stage, but still had the wear of experience on it’s edges, he realized he was comfortable in it. It was… right.

The Saint’s eyes followed him as he came near at last. A thought struck him and he put a hand to his own chin.

The gatekeeper laughed again, a genuine, warm sound. “No, X. You won’t grow a beard here. You chose to shave in life, you are shaved here. Back in my time beards were a thing. Of course, we didn’t have razors either! So I get to keep mine.”

“You are Saint Peter,” he said, kneeling.

“Of course! But don’t kneel to me. I’m just a Saint. We have tons of Saints here. If you keep kneeling to us all, you’ll never get anywhere! Still, I appreciate the respect. Some, shall we say, don’t really get it.”

“So… Christianity then?”

The Saint nodded, adding, “For you, yes. For others? Who knows. It’s not our place to say. But you were a Christian, more or less at least. So you have come here. As a Christian, I assume you know what comes next?”

“You… are the keeper of the Gate of Heaven.”

“That’s right. I decide if you come in, or… don’t. But the final arbiter is our Lord of course. On the last day only he will judge. But know this. I am fallible. I may be a Saint, but I am still just a man. Do not take my decision as your ultimate fate. Understand?”

The man that Saint Peter called X nodded.

“Good,” Saint Peter continued. “Now, shall we proceed?”

Suddenly a book appeared in his hands. Not a huge book, but it’s edges were gilded in shining silver and on it’s cover, in a language he didn’t recognize yet understood perfectly, were the words ‘The Book of Life’.

Saint Peter’s eyes looked deeply into his own, their look expressing both sorrow and sympathy. “It’s not an easy job,” he said. “I wish sometimes I’d never accepted it.” Then he sighed and opened the book.

X looked on, trying to peer around the edge while the Saint scanned the pages, but he turned the book away and gave the man an amused look. “No, no no! No peeking! Now let’s see… No other Gods before me… Hmm… What’s this about Buddhism?”

“Oh, just a little investigation. Curious, you know…” he said sincerely. He wasn’t worried about that one.

“Yes, I suppose so. Not a very religious man though. Not devout.”

The man had to agree, shaking his head sadly.

“Well, that’s okay. Not preferred, mind you, but we can’t all be Saints now, can we?”

“Obviously not!”

“Alright, let’s move along… You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything. You were an artist of sorts I see…”

“Of… sorts I guess…”

“Oh, let’s see some of your work… Oh my god! You drew that!?!”

The man hung his head in shame. “I don’t know which one you’re looking at, but I’m sure I did.”

“Holy cow man! And I don’t say that lightly! How could she even…”

The man hung his head lower. “I…”

Saint Peter scowled. “That is not something our Lord would approve of! But it doesn’t constitute an idol either. Wait… what’s this? What’s a ‘waifu’?”

“It’s kind of like an imaginary wife.”

“That’s no wife. That’s not even human.”

“It was a phase,” the man protested weakly.

“Well, again it’s not something we approve of, but whatever you did with her in your imagination, that isn’t really worshipping as we understand it here. We’ll let it slide…”

“Thank you Mr… Peter?”

The eyes scowled at him from over the book again, but turned a page and began reading again.

“You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.”

“I hope that doesn’t mean…”

“Oh, Heaven’s no! If we refused everyone who said that, we’d be empty of anyone but Saints – and probably more than a few of us too! No, you’re good here. Let’s move on.”

In his heart, X was beginning to worry. He knew where this was leading. But, he supposed, he probably had no choice but to endure it anyway.

“Remember the Sabbath… not too bad… Honor your father and mother. Ooh! Nice score here! That’s a plus!”

“Thank you.”

“No murder, check. No adultery. Wow! Considering your ‘artwork’ I’m a little surprised by that! Good job!”

The man nodded, beginning to be hopeful.

“Though shalt not steal… Mmmm. Fail. But it wasn’t too much or too often. I’ll overlook it, in deference to your adultery score. Pretty rare that actually.”

“False testimony… good job! Pretty honest, all things considered. And finally…. Thou Shalt Not Covet Your Neighbor’s House, Wife or Property…”

He watched Saint Peter’s eyes closely as they scanned the page. Suddenly though, the Saint gasped. He flipped back to a previous page, then went back. His eyes grew wide.

The Saint looked at him, but this time the eyes weren’t so gentle. He closed the book and it disappeared.

The man was baffled. “What? What? My neighbor lived in a trailer and his wife was ugly! I never…”

Saint Peter drew in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and exhaled finally before speaking. “You don’t really understand this commandment, X. I’ll try to put this as delicately as I can. Do you know the meaning of the word ‘covet’? Well let me explain it to you. It means to Desire. To Crave. To Long for. Sir, you have been Coveting since you reached adulthood.”

“But not my…” he began, but the Saint interrupted him.

“Your neighbor, Sir, is anyone you encounter. Images are encounters. I’m sorry X, but I just read the tally of your Covetousness. I do believe you’ve managed to beat the record, barring the mentally ill – which you are not.”

“You mean…”

“Masturbation, Mr. X! Need I be clearer? No sir, you will not pass these gates. Good day to you. I hope you aren’t offended if I don’t shake your hand. Someone will be along shortly to take you to your destination.”

With that, the Saint snapped the book closed, at which it promptly disappeared.

“But…”

“There’s a special place where you’re going for your kind, Mr. X. You’ll fit right in.”

“Masturbation? You were serious ’bout dat?”

The Saint had turned his back to the gate but paused and chuckled a bit, looking over his shoulder. “Good ‘Joe Pesci’, Mr. X. Yes, I’ve seen the movie. Now, please… don’t touch the gate. She’ll be along soon.”